Is there a closet in the Bat-Cave?

I was looking through my dad's old comics with him some time back, and was astounded at some of the things he had. He's has X-men #1(but it's coverless, which sucks). He has a large number of Fantastic Four, Spider-man, and even a few Power Man(almost all of which are coverless, or half-coverless. He was a kid and didn't care what condition they were in). But the comic he had that shocked me more than anything was this.


I picked this up out of the box and immediately started cracking up. He asked what was so funny, and through my tears of joy, I barely got out "what the hell is rainbow batman?" He then explains the story, which I guess makes since for the time, but it still raises some questions.

Here's how it goes. Dick Grayson is publicly heroic as himself(instead of Robin, if you didn't know) and everyone knows that Dick is hurt. He saw some criminals at the same time, and can ID them, but if he goes out as Robin injured, everyone will figure it out. So Batman's first idea is to dress up in all sorts of different colorful batsuits to draw all attention to him and away from Robin. The culmination of these is the rainbow suit.

It's questionable as to whether this was a simple good idea badly executed, or an underhanded way of telling everyone Batman's sexual preference(rainbows are a gay rallying point after all). I personally don't care. I just find the comic hilarious. You can make your own inferences, it's your right to.

This next picture is one I ran across while looking for the above images, which I've seen before, and it always seems to at least make me smirk.

Where are the pants?

In the early 90s Marvel Comics had a fascination with scantaly clad super heroes, and seemed to do whatever they could to show them. I'll level with you. I saw these pictures and had to share them. I didn't do much research, and probably won't when I'm done writting this. In fact, as soon as I'm done, I'll probably bleach my eyes, face, and hands, but only because they typed the words that found this stuff.

And with that, we shall begin.
This is the first image along this line I ever saw. It was in an issue of X-men from around the time I was watching the cartoon. In all honesty, it isn't that bad. It's very tame and not very fun(except for he right reasons. Iceman freezing the pool, Jubilee trying to flex like Collasus, etc.). But this is hardly where it ends.
This next picture is trying to be in the same vein, and it might have succeeded if it weren't for the characters still wearing their masks. Also notice that Iron Man is not only wearing his armor, but he has a swimsuit on over the armor.

These two pictures are of She-Hulk. They show two very different art styles for the character, but neither make much sense to me. The one on the left shows a lot of muscle definition in the upper body, but as you work your way down, the body looks more and more like a model. Whatever the artist was told to do, I think he forgot about it until the end of the work. The picture on the right can be summed up in one phrase and one word. Side boob and dragon. We've all had moments where those two words work together... Oh, is that just me...?
This picture begins the "what were you thinking Marvel?" section of our time together. Make your own comments on this one.

This picture is supposed to be sexy tiny Wasp, but all I see is Wonder-thong and the Patriotic Package. You'll understand if I don't linger to talk more about it.

This last piece is the reason first I came across tonight. I was researching another piece I'm working on, stumbled across this and had to share. Here's what I see in this picture. Captain America, wearing an American flag as a speedo. He's holding his shield. I get it so far. Who hasn't stripped down to their skivies, which demean everything you stand for, and feel so darn exposed that you hold a piece of armor. Below him is a blonde bombshell, wearing another American flag as a bikini. But the real notice isn't what she's wearing, it's how she's wearing it. Her top and bottoms are being worn in opposite directions. Now look at where she's looking. That's right, directly into his crotch. If that doesn't say "child-friendly" I sure don't know what does. Next we look behind them. And what do we see? A tribe of people with shields and spears WATCHING them. None of them is doing anything but watching the half naked people sit there. It's like the inverse of National Geographic. Oh, and there's also a waterfall.

Well, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope to have a real piece in the near future.

The Ultimates vs. Ultimate Avengers

Marvel comics has a history of trying to revamp themselves every so often. They tend to do it at least once every decade. In the 80s Chris Claremont turned Jean Grey into The Phoenix. The 90s led to Heroes Reborn, and ultimately, ignoring that Heroes Reborn every happened(don't worry, I'll catch you up on that mess soon).

In 2002 Mark Millar, a Scottish comic writer, who would later go on to write Wanted, was tapped by Marvel to write the story of Ultimate Marvel's Avengers. In the comics they were called, simply, The Ultimates.






It's popularity led to a cartoon version produced in 2006 released under the name of Ultimate Avengers. Despite the fact that Ultimate Avengers is based on The Ultimates, it bares little in the way of similarities to the original work.

As one reads through(or watches, depends on which you did second) the first major difference they will come across is Captain America. In the books, he is a soldier. There's little more to it than that. He wants to get in, do the job, and get out. In the movie, he is still very determined to do the job, but he's closer to the original character, a paragon of hope.

The second big difference one comes across is the Hulk. The movie makes the Hulk very modern Marvel. "Hulk mad, Hulk smash." We've seen it, kids can handle it, nothing too rough. The Ultimates wrote him a little different. He's a mix between a horny pre-teen, who will do anything to have sex, and Maestro, a future version of the hulk, where Bruce Banners brain and the Hulk's might have finally mixed into the ultimate being. This combination leaves a Hulk who is strong, carries out motives that he believes will help Banner, and is extremely horny. Beyond these changes, they also choose to leave out the overkill execution of the Hulk.

The next big change from book to movie is the wife-beating scene. Anyone who has followed The Avengers for any time knows that Hank "Ant man/Giant Man/Yellow Jacket" Pym and Janet "The Wasp" van Dyne got divorced after he went a little nuts and beat the crap out of her when Marvel decided every hero should have a low moment. Millar adds this to the Ultimates, which adds drama to the story, and honestly, feels very natural in this dark story. Not surprisingly, the cartoon version leaves this out. It's an obvious omission, but it has to be pointed out.

The next stop on our tour takes us to the title page of Chapter 8. The Experts. This entire team is left out of the movie.

In the comic, Hawkeye and Black Widow are cold blooded killers. Plain and simple. They are hardcore, they do not belong in a cartoon. If you've seen the movie(or looked at the pretty picture I left up top for you), you may be asking "Why does he say none of this team is in the movie? Black Widow is a big part. That's true, but the characters are so distinctly different, that they can't be compared. The omission of Black Widow and Hawkeye does lead to a loss of some of the better action sequences, including the time they storm an office building and kill Everybody inside. It was an awesome sequence, and really did fit the story they were telling.


Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver are a different case all together. They are brother and sister but act way more like lovers. And there is absolutely nothing to make you think there is any other possibility.

The last big change, which is a deal breaker for me is the Chitari. They're the alien race attacking us in The Ultimates, but who are they really? If we read the book, they will tell us themselves. They are the Skrulls. SKRULLS!!!!!!!! It would really make the movie make more sense if they would just add that one freakin detail!

In the end, I understand why they cut out the adult themes, shortened it, and took out the best action/creepiest family values. It was being sold as a kids' story. I don't blame them for taking out what they did, but I do blame them for even trying to make a kids' movie out of a book that is so obviously shooting for an older audience.